B. Hoota Compared to the fuckbucket of last semester, this Spring was a calm four months of LSD, accolades, and love interests. This post won’t be as long or as juicy; drama was rife without being deadly, although I had my fair share of terrible nights. However, the exhilaration far outweighed the tears, and the […]Read more "A Listing Of The Mild Fuckery of Spring 2017"
B. Hoota What I’ve Accomplished So Far In College: My internship with D______ was astounding. I’m 20 with a Big 4 Accounting weighting this insignificant name. I was offered the Business Internship position at the O’Connell Center. Let the dating of basketball players commence. My publications with Huffington Post, The Crocodile, Spoon University, LearnTravelArt, and […]Read more "A Comprehensive Analysis Of My Life At 20 Years Old"
B. Hoota Modern breakfast is a tear-worthy travesty. Most commuters just eat a protein bar or nothing on the fast-walk to their car. The rolled oats, apple cinnamon pancakes, and wedges of Canadian bacon are missing, replaced with suburban traffic. Yeah, breakfast is the “most important meal of day,” but it’s like telling college students […]Read more "10 Tips To Make Breakfast The Sexiest Meal Of The Day"
B. Hoota Mild Slut Noun: a girl who grills the hell out of first and second base but doesn’t actually sleep with her boy toys. In this era of anti-slut shaming, the title above should make every feminist drunk with progressive joy. I’m not advocating for college girls to sleep with every male who makes eye […]Read more "Why Being A Mild Slut In College Isn’t A Bad Thing"
B. Hoota I’m not a 400 pound badass with simpering lips and platinum records behind a pet name. The most cocaine I’ve been exposed to was snorted up the nose of Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. Truthfully, rap music only appeared in my Spotify playlists ten months ago. Despite my nonexistent street cred and explicit-lyric […]Read more "How I Relate To Biggie Smalls As A Privileged White Girl"
B. Hoota To whom it may concern, To all the boys who fuck me in the future, here is a contract you must fulfill in order to slip your penis into my body. I’m not a sex maniac or an intercourse queen; quite frankly, I’m asexual, aside from spontaneous makeout sessions at Grog. I […]Read more "Guarantee of Foreplay"